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♥Wednesday, May 6, 2009

6/5/2009,♥

Actually..Yesterday happened a BIG issue between me and my mum...Perang Dunia ke-3..She 'buka radio' awal-awal pagi..Once I open my eyes..She start shooting me already..
The story is like this:
I on that day punya last night..I do homework till late..So I on that morning terlewat bangun..Usually I wake up around 5.35am-5.40am...but that day I woke up 5.50am...
She's SHOUTING from the kitchen..
"NIGHT ASK YOU GO SLEEP YOU DONT WANT..DO YOU IDIOT WORK..AS IF YOU DONT KNOW MORNING I VERY RUSH..IDIOT..F***K"
When she say this all I buat 'duh~' first...
Then after/while mandi she keep non-stop scolding me...

Now the main point...
I get into the car..
"ARE YOU BRAINLESS?IF ME WAIT FOR YOU TO HELP ME...I RATHER ASK THE PIG TO HELP ME..WAIT FOR YOU?WAIT TILL I DIE ALSO YOU HAVENT COME AND HELP ME...AND..WHEN YOUR SO CALLED FRIEND NEED HELP..YOU ORANG PERTAMA RUSH AND HELP THEM..IN THIS WORLD NO ONE IS LEBIH PENTING THAN YOU ON PARENTS AR..YOU 'MOU LOU'-->brainless in chinese...
LATER WHEN I DIE ALREADY..SEE WHO HELP YOU...-->semakin cakap semakin 'gek tung'..
FINE..LIKE THIS IS IT?NOW I SWEAR TO THE SKY..ON TOP THE NAME OF GOD...I WANT YOU TO REGRET FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE..NON STOP REGRETING IN YOUR LIFE..*CENSORED WORDS*..AND I TELL YOU..THIS SUNDAY'S MOTHER'S DAY..YOU DONT CELEBRATE MOTHER'S DAY FOR ME..I DONT WANT....I TELL YOU I DONT WANT..I FREAKING DISSAPOINTED WITH YOU..I NOW REALLY NO HOPE ON YOU ANYMORE..
Sambil she cakap..sambil she keep crying..sambil driving car..I tahan and tahan the tears..
When sampai school..Turun car..Walk to dewan..Put down beg..Pull my friend along..Naik class...'Tears bag explode'..Cry till the pengawas come round class..
When I cry..I also swear to God..I said:
"FINE..SHE HATES ME RIGHT?FINE..NO PROBLEM..I HOPE GOD LET ME DIE NOW..DIE IN YOUNG AGE..IF I DIE ALREADY..SURE THEY ALL HAPPY..IM NOT THERE ANYMORE TO BE THEIR BURDEN..BUT IF I DIE ALSO..I DONT WANT TO DIE IN PIECE..I WANT TO DIE IN THE HORRIFIC..THEN ONLY THEY LAGI PUAS AND HAPPY..NOW MORE ME WHO IS THEIR PEMBAWA MALANG THERE.."
In my 15 years experience I NEVER been swear from her..this is the first time and maybe the last time..I would be happy to leave this world too..this world is just to scary till I tak tahan and unable to stand it anymore..

When last subject..Science..My teacher ask to keep our Assignment in the port folio mah..Can the files that punch hole and keep one?Got the besi that tahan the papers..That thing quite sharp..I used that to kelar my hand..The wrist there..But up abit...My friend saw me doing it and quickily rampas that thing from my hand...Really no feeling already me..

Now I crying sambil type this..Sometime I really want to suicide..Because I feel this world memang dont make me feel save anymore..I cant manage to face all the challenges..I'm scared..I'm afraid..I dont have that courages..
Why other people have different kinds of parents?Why my parents not like them?So senang??My parents pula have to work so hard..
And sometimes I see them work so hard..Actually I sakit hati also..Another sebab I feel like wanna suicide is..They work so hard just because of me..If Im not here anymroe..They didnt have to work this hard..Their burden will be lighter..

I really cant writing this anymore..

DBSK is love @ 7:18 AM